You Know What They Say When You Assume
by StrongHermione
Summary: The assumptions of disgruntled students are nothing compared to the reality of married life for Hermione and Severus.


_Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling et al. Any characters or locations you recognise are the intellectual property of these individuals and corporations. I make no money from the writing of this story._

_This is written for Round 13 of The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. There were no prompts this week—this little bunny popped into my head._

* * *

A boarding school is a somewhat closed community in itself. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was no exception. In years gone past the school had been the scene of many a great adventure and it was the location for the final, epic battle of the second Voldemort war which saw Harry Potter and the side of the Light triumphant. In the ten years since, the occupants of the school had settled down into a humdrum existence, classes filling their days, homework filling their nights, and Quidditch, Gobstones and chess tournaments filling their weekends. There was the occasional feast or Saturday trip to Hogsmeade to break up the monotony but by January each year, the students became morose and sullen, the professors more demanding and exacting.

In their disquieted moods, the student body generally turned their ire onto the very teachers that were making their lives most miserable—the Professors Snape. Speculation about the pair was rampant among the teenagers inhabiting the castle. Nowhere in their lives was there an example of the dynamic that existed between this seemingly ill-suited pair. No student in the castle was of their acquaintance outside it and so it was only the observations made by the teenagers that could explain why the once-lauded heroine of the Wizarding World, Miss Hermione Granger, sought to bind herself in matrimony (most holy, apparently) to the dungeon bat himself, Professor Severus Snape.

The students fancied themselves experts in how a couple should behave when they were married. 'Authorities' on the subject would start a discussion in the wake of one or both of them being seen in some fashion that went against every perceived rule in the marriage book.

* * *

'_**They never touch each other!' **_

The professors were sitting at the same table in the library, surrounded by texts pertaining to their private research and both scribbling notes furiously onto parchment. Under the table, their feet were bare and Severus was gently rubbing his toes across the bridge of Hermione's foot. Her secretive smile was attributed to finding some random factoid that no one save the author of the book she was reading had ever discovered.

.

The professors were taking their daily walk around the lake. As soon as they passed the giant boulder that concealed the remainder of the path from interested eyes, Hermione's hand reached out and grasped that of her husband's. By the time they ventured to the far side of the Black Lake, their arms were comfortably about each other's waists and Severus would occasionally pause to place a tender kiss on his wife's head.

.

The professors were in their private quarters. Hermione was stretched out on their king-sized bed on her stomach. Her husband took a moment to admire her nude form before he used his wand to gently warm the massage oil he had brewed specifically to help counteract the soreness she still suffered in her limbs sometimes following her experiences in the war. He drizzled the soothing oil over her legs and began to rub it into her left calf. Two hours later, the pair were lying next to each other, panting after the explosive climaxes that signalled the end of their love-making…

* * *

'_**They never go out anywhere!'**_

"Are your dunderheads locked safely in their tower for the night?"

"Yes, Severus, are your Snakes asleep in their dungeon?"

"Yes, they are. Shall we depart?"

"Absolutely, I have been dying to try the Coupe Swiss—Ginny raved about it. She said it would be the best dessert we ever ate."

"By all means then, please lead the way." He gestured to the fireplace and waited while Hermione called out their London destination for a late-night treat recommended to them by their friends.

.

"Please, Hermione. I won these tickets and if Susan finds out she'll make me take her and you know if I go to a Shakespeare play my head will explode!"

"Your head won't explode, Ron," Hermione replied in a long-suffering tone.

"That's a matter of opinion," Severus drawled as he turned the page of his book.

His wife turned her head from the floo conversation she was partaking in and huffed. "You are not helping, Severus. Ron could use some culture in his life."

"No, Hermione, Sev's right; you two would appreciate it much more than me and I know you don't get much chance to get out. I don't even mind coming up there to help out for the night if you need me to," Ron tried to persuade her.

"Well…" Hermione began to cave.

"We will take the tickets, Ronald," Severus called from his chair. "Rest assured we do have patrol duty that night and in the spirit of House Unity, you will be required to take an equal number of house points from Gryffindor as Slytherin."

"I know, I know, it's not like I wasn't the DADA professor for a year," Ron grumbled good-naturedly. "So you'll take the tickets?"

"Yes, Ron," Hermione said resignedly. "Even though you would benefit far more from the experience, and we probably would have been happy to _buy_ tickets and attend _with_ you, we will take them off your hands." The friends said good night to each other and Hermione stood from her position on the floor near the fire. Severus put his book aside and held his arm out, gently pulling her onto his lap.

"We will make a night of it, dinner, theatre, maybe some dancing," he said, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "Perhaps we could even book a hotel room for the evening."

Hermione beamed at him. "That would be wonderful. I say we do the dancing in the privacy of our hotel room." She placed a kiss on the underside of his jaw. "Naked." She placed a kiss on his chin. "Horizontally." She placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He growled as he took fierce possession of her lips.

"Maybe we should practice in the meantime," he said huskily.

* * *

'_**Fun for them would be sitting at their desks grading homework!'**_

Four wizards and a ten-year-old boy crashed through the door of a makeshift hut. They were all dressed in muggle camouflage fatigues and wearing protective gear on their heads and bodies. In their hands were paintball guns.

"Severus, you distract them while Harry and I hoist Teddy up onto that platform in the middle of the square," Ron Weasley said, drawing a crude map of the paintball battle area in the dirt. "He can pick everyone off from there—I reckon it would take them a while to even figure out he's up there."

"Yeah! I'm gonna shoot Draco, Ginny and George! It's payback time!" Teddy Lupin cocked his paintball gun in imitation of the western cowboys he had seen in the movies. He had been waiting for this day throughout the long winter months.

"Where is that little wife of yours, Severus?" Lucius Malfoy asked. "I have a gun-full of pellets with her name on them."

"Hostile much, Lucius?" Harry Potter asked pointedly.

"She is the sole reason I have to spend two hours each Thursday fighting with my elves to accept a galleon each in payment for their services. She is the infernal person who introduced that blasted law and if I have to suffer, then I can take some satisfaction from legally being able to shoot her!"

"I will thank you to stop talking about shooting my wife, Malfoy, even if all she will suffer are a few bruises," Severus said firmly.

"There are stockpiles of gold around my whole house! It is a security risk. If I could just pay them in kind as they wish to be, or even if I could pay them just once a month it would be easier, but no! '_The elves deserve payment for having to put up with the likes of you_'," his voice rose in imitation of his friend's wife. "'_You should be giving them extra holiday pay and penalty rates as a gesture of goodwill._' Merlin only knows what sort of revolt I would have on my hands if I tried to pay them more—AAAHHH!" He yelled in an equal mix of surprise and pain as he was shot six times in the chest with pink paintballs.

Hermione Snape shimmered into view and happily took the hits levelled at her by the rest of Lucius's companions—save her husband of course. "They deserve double-time for having to put up with _you!_" she said, a feral grin on her face at having surprised the men in their 'hideout'. "Since we're out of the game, Lucius, perhaps we could revisit the discussion regarding working conditions for the poor little creatures you have bonded into your service."

"Since I am out of the game, I am heading for the pub! See you all there." There was a crack as Lucius disapparated out of the hut.

Hermione grinned triumphantly. "It was totally worth it," she said.

* * *

_'**They're both so frigid. I bet it's a marriage of convenience, you know, no sex.'**_

"Are you sure?" Severus asked. Hermione could see a small gleam of excitement and true happiness shining in the depths of his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure. It was confirmed by Poppy this afternoon as well," she replied.

"A baby," he said, wonderment in his tone and his hand moving to protectively cover the place their child was growing.

Hermione rested her own hand above his. "Finally, we're going to have a baby of our own after all the disappointments we've had."

"They were leading us to this moment, my love. It's really true this time? Poppy doesn't foresee any problems?"

"No, she said the heartbeat looks strong and everything is progressing nicely. Come Christmas our little miracle will be here," Hermione said.

Severus swept her up into his arms bridal style and carried her down the hallway to their bedroom. "It will be a Christmas miracle indeed," he said lovingly. The door was kicked shut behind him.

* * *

A boarding school is a somewhat closed community in itself. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was no exception. Students would always speculate about the private lives of the married professors, but you know what they say when you assume—an ass is made out of u and me.

* * *

_Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :)_


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